5 Rules for Choosing Your Bridesmaids and Groomsmen

While the two of you are the most important people at the wedding, half the fun of getting married is being able to anticipate and celebrate your big day with your closest family members friends by your sides serving as bridesmaids and groomsmen. While you might think you can ask just anyone to take on an important wedding party role, there are a few other things you’ll want to consider before you assemble your group.

Here, we share five key tips that will help you choose the right people to serve as members of your wedding party. Plus, we also share alternative roles for anyone who was not selected, since no one wants to leave their loved ones with hurt feelings ahead of the big day.

How to Choose Your Wedding Party in 5 Steps

Ready to ask your loved ones to stand by your sides on the big day? Here's how to choose your bridesmaids in groomsmen.

Start With Siblings

Including your siblings is the perfect way to start choosing your bridesmaids and groomsmen. If they’re much younger, you may prefer to have them serve as ushers or junior attendants, but if they’re close to your age, definitely give them the full-blown honor. Whatever you do, don't forget that there's nothing stopping a bride from making her brother a bridesman or a groom from making his sister a groomslady.

Emphasize Reliability

While you may not need your bridesmaids or groomsmen to participate too much in planning your wedding, there will be moments when you’ll need to know you can count on them. If your friend almost never calls you back or constantly shows up late when you have plans, they may not be the right person for the job, especially with bridesmaid dress order deadlines and tight timelines the day of your wedding. Instead, lean toward friends who you know will answer your emails, show up when you need them to (or a few minutes early), and probably be more prepared than you.

Consider Personalities

Before you send out those “Be My Bridesmaid?” gifts, think about how your wedding party will get along. That doesn’t mean everyone has to be the best of friends, but if one person on your list has a stronger—or even abrasive—personality and tends to rub people the wrong way, that’s potential drama you’ll want to avoid if you can.

Be Mindful of Budget

We all know being a bridesmaid or groomsman is expensive. Even if you’re paying for their accommodations or chipping in for the suit or dress, between flights, gifts, and the bachelor and bachelorette parties, the bill can add up. If you know a friend is in a tough spot financially, call them up to talk it over before making the official ask. Let them know you’d love to include them, but also have a few alternative ways for them to be involved if joining the wedding party might be too expensive. Close friends make fantastic readers, give great toasts at the rehearsal dinner, and could also hand out programs or serve as ushers at the ceremony.

Think About Feelings

Sometimes, having fewer bridesmaids or groomsmen is the easiest way to make sure no one’s feelings are hurt. If your choice is between having just your sister and your childhood best friend stand beside you or expanding into two or three friend groups and ten or more bridesmaids, the smaller group could save you a lot of stress in deciding who does and doesn’t make the cut. On the other hand, if you’re committed to the idea of a huge wedding party, and there’s one friend on the fringe, you might be better off including one more than leaving them out.

Other Roles for Family and Friends

Just because you selected a certain number of people to serve as bridesmaids and groomsmen doesn't mean you're tapped out on roles for other important family members and friends. In fact, there are plenty of other jobs that your VIP guests can take on, including serving as ushers, ceremony readers, processional escorts, or even marriage license witness.