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Guest Etiquette: When You're Not Invited to the Wedding

By January 15, 2010

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Office politics can create some sticky situations, especially when you're not invited to a coworkers wedding. Weddings reader HelloThere06 writes in our forums:
I work with a group of 20 people.One of the female workers is getting married. I have (at least I thought I did) a good relationship with this person. She recently passed out invitations to everyone else (people that she is close with but also others that she doesn't really have any contact or relationship with) in the group except for me. All day, the group talks about it or I hear her making plans for the wedding as she sits in cubicle next to my cubicle. It is obvious to most that I am only one not invited. It is embarrassing and I don't understand it. Recently, we are in meeting where everyone is talking and debating about this event (including our bosses) and it is blatant and evident that I have been excluded. How do I handle this situation in a professional/best way? Am I required to participate in any events that relate to this event? Like a meeting that has been scheduled to have a work bridal shower?

How would you handle this situation? Ordinarily I'd say to accept the fact that you didn't get invited, but to try to put your best and most professional foot forward. Go to the bridal shower, wish her well, and try to forget about it. But it really does sound in this case like there might have been a mixup. Perhaps it would be best to find another coworker who can casually ask if everyone in the group is invited to the wedding. That way, if indeed the omission was intentional, a messy confrontation is avoided so that your working relationship can be preserved. What do you other readers think? Am I right or totally off base? Sound off in the weddings forums!

Comments

July 13, 2006 at 5:12 pm
(1) Disappointed and hurt says:

I am currently haaving the same issue with a female coworker. People that don’t even know her got an invitation, and I did not. I thought we were friends and offered to help her plan her wedding and shower, and offered to dance at her wedding. It’s now 2 days before her wedding and I sent her an email explaining that I am disappointed and hurt, that I don’t want to attend the wedding, but that I wish her and her new life all the bleesings they deserve. She immediately walked over to my desk with an invitation, which I still don’t want. My mind ran across the possibility of attending, when I looked at the envelope only to see that my name was spelled incorrectly. I do know that I will not be going to that wedding.

September 4, 2007 at 4:12 am
(2) Roman Smith says:

I was in a similar situation. I was not invited to a friend’s, but many of our other friends were. I don’t know if I was forgotten, but I found out when the day of the wedding was after it had occured. I guess it really hit home when I saw many of our friends in a wedding picture together. I guess I was never a part of the group to begin with.

September 26, 2007 at 5:27 pm
(3) Anonymous says:

I wasn’t invited to a coworker’s wedding but all my other work friends were. They were not only invited but also asked to be in the wedding. Whenever we had lunch together everyone (except me) would talk about the wedding. I was excluded and felt hurt. I wasn’t close to her like the others but I did talk to her when she was around.

March 2, 2008 at 10:31 pm
(4) Toby, Newport says:

My brother and I designed an invitation (in our own time, for free) for a co-worker’s engagement party. We didn’t get invited the end, but we found the best way of ‘handling’ the ‘situation’ was to complain to all the other co-workers, especially the ones that did get to go. It made my brother and I feel a little better about things. Me and my brother love karma.

June 24, 2008 at 12:05 pm
(5) David Marks says:

My former coworker got engaged while we were working together, we were pretty good friends, after a few months of his new job he needed a favor from me and i did it promptly, also in that email he wrote that he would invite me to his wedding.
I still havent received an invite and I know other people who are part of their family have received them
Am I forgotten or do married people not invite friends to their wedding?

July 9, 2008 at 6:25 pm
(6) Kazelafs says:

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July 22, 2008 at 6:39 am
(7) Sami says:

a different thing with me im not invited to my uncles wedding yet and i dont know why. well we dont have the best relationship but my dad always talks to his brother about stuff and so forth. However we havent got the invited when everyone has/ i dont know what to do and despite our sour relationship i wish him and his wife all the best

September 20, 2008 at 12:31 pm
(8) stephanazs says:

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March 16, 2009 at 7:55 pm
(9) on the other side says:

Wow, I’m sure it must be hard to go through, but I’m planning a wedding and I can tell you it is *really* hard to narrow down a guest list. Be professional, wish the couple the best and tell yourself you have better things to do anyway. In the end, not going to a wedding is a pretty small event in life.

And if you intentionally weren’t invited, remember that one person’s opinion of you is not representative of everyone, so it is probably akward for other people that were invited who wish you were going.

March 18, 2009 at 8:13 am
(10) Skudderbotch1 says:

Althogth none of our plans are really underway, we will probably be married in the chapel at church which holds only about 60 to 75 people…before our big day, my fiance’s work facility will be closing and all will be unemployed… we may not have addresses for his friends for mailing, but as a job hunt courtesy, we already have email addresses for everyone (commiserating/job referral) so we may just email everyone, requesting a mailing addy so that we can invite them… those who WANT to come, will supply it, those who don’t or can’t, won’t. No one will be left out; as these posts indicate, there are hurt feelings otherwise… and if many come and it’s too crowded, well, there’ll be standing room for those who arrive late. It’s hard to really judge how “close” one is to co-workers in the best of situations. With the announced closing of the plant in a few months, it is sure to cause some to go their own way forevermore…

March 23, 2009 at 8:10 pm
(11) Beth says:

I understand completely… recently a friend of mine (not very close but still a part of a large group of friends) sent out her wedding invitations to everyone I know in the group and I did not get one. She even asked for my address a while back when she was making her list. I talked to a friend thinking just to find out what was going on and found out that the bride to be needed to make some cuts(I was one of them). I am fine with this.. but I feel so left out now. I don’t know if they didn’t want to hurt my feelings or what… but I haven’t been invited to anything surrounding the wedding- the bridal shower, bachelorette party, nothing. This hurts and I feel left out. I would have liked to celebrate with them, wish them well, and give my gift to the couple–even if I couldn’t come to the wedding.

March 29, 2009 at 4:48 pm
(12) Kathy says:

With the expense of a wedding keeping a guest list to a financially manageable number is practically impossible to do without hurting someone’s feelings. As a recent mother of the bride and soon to be again on a lesser budgeted wedding people just have to realize that the list of who to invite has to stop somewhere. Every guest probably costs the bride and groom or their family $100!!! Try not to take not being on the guest list personal – trust me – the bride and groom probably already have beat themselves up about who they could not invite.

May 30, 2009 at 12:35 pm
(13) P says:

All my coworkers invitations are political. All the “important” people only. Everyone who can do her some “good.”

June 11, 2009 at 10:06 pm
(14) grace says:

It was somewhat refreshing in a sick sort of way to read about everyone who has felt left out after not being invited to a co-worker’s wedding. I just found out today that in my department of 4 (a mother and daughter and the dept chair who was just layed off) and myself I was not invited but the former chair and another coworker from another dept were. I worried before this how are dept of now 3 was going to function. Now, I really worry. Any comments out there in google land?

August 19, 2009 at 10:59 am
(15) Brenda says:

Having the same issues here…a friend from school and what I thought was my social group, is getting married and my partner and I weren’t invited. Should I still send a gift, message? Its hard to sit back and see all these social media sites that we all belong too and not see myself with all my friends.

August 29, 2009 at 1:46 pm
(16) Josephine says:

Very close friend has not invited me to her Daughters wedding. Has not even spoken to me since June, have tried to contact her never get a reply,I understand not having been invited as they have a large family, but can understand why she will not speak to me, that really hurts, I do not even know the date of the wedding. I would have liked to send a card or gift.

September 1, 2009 at 10:48 pm
(17) Evelyn says:

Take it from someone trying to plan a “small wedding”, it’s very difficult trying to decide who’s going to be left out. We could easily fill our Church up twice with friends and relatives. We have to stick with our plan, for our day…a small wedding. Those who “truly” care about us will understand, and wish us well. But, I wouldn’t discuss it in front of those that are not invited. I think that is inconsiderate.

September 8, 2009 at 5:27 pm
(18) Sigh says:

Just being left out of the planning’s enough. Apparently two people in the office are going to have a joint wedding shower, and a large number of the girls in my department got together this afternoon to begin planning it. I was not invited, and during the last shower (a baby shower) I was completely excluded from preparing/planning, too.

September 12, 2009 at 4:01 pm
(19) Griz Lee says:

Well, at least I am not the only one who has faced this situation, but it still stinks. Two coworkers of mine are having a joint wedding shower. There was an email invitation sent to everyone including me to the shower, naming the date, time, etc. However, it became clear as I heard people talking about receiving their invitations to the wedding that I am not invited to the wedding. Further, I am the only one in the workgroup not invited.

Original Author, I respect your well-spoken opinion, but in my immediate situation I see this as offensive, crass and rude. So my gift is welcome but I am not and everyone else is?? I told the organizer I will not attend the shower. Since she was not at work, I did it through email, and I told her why I will not attend. If I am asked whether I will attend the shower by anyone else, I wil tell them the same. I’m glad I did not rush out and buy gifts right after the shower was announced.

Look, I don’t dispute that it’s the couple’s special day, nor do I dispute that they can invite – or not- whoever they please. What I do contend is inviting someone to a wedding shower and not the wedding, even if that person is “only” a coworker depending on how it’s handled, is downright tacky.

Looking at my situation and reading the above posts. I have to wonder if all these organizers/brides are just not thinking, or do they really have that little regard for the feelings of others? Either way,things like that have a way of coming baxk to haunt them in one way or another.

September 15, 2009 at 9:41 am
(20) Charlene says:

Points are well taken about having to narrow a guest list to save money. That’s very understandable. My friend and coworker of 7 years, who I’ve been there for through every bad relationship she’d had before meeting her current husband, made a point to come over to my desk to tell me that she wasn’t inviting coworkers to her wedding because if she invited me she’d have to invite others and asked me to understand, I did, so it was very, very hurtful to find out that she did indeed invite 5 coworkers to her wedding. I only found out the Monday after her weekend wedding. Being lied to is very different than being asked to understand that inviting coworkers isn’t cost effective for the bride and groom.

September 30, 2009 at 5:18 pm
(21) cag says:

I am in the midst of planning my wedding. It is one month away and we are still going through guest list issues. It’s just not possible to invite everyone you know … we would love to, but have space issues. Our venue hold 125 and there were 200 on the initial list. It’s not a personal attack and it doesn’t mean that the couple doesn’t want you there if you’re not invited, and I feel horrible that I cannot invite everyone. I think that if someone has planned a wedding, they know how hard it is. Before my wedding, I would have taken it personally if someone did not invite me … now I say good luck with the plans and sorry I can’t be there. It won’t matter once the wedding is over anyway!

October 15, 2009 at 5:18 am
(22) Owlie says:

Wow, like the “on the other side” commented, I know from experience that it is REALLY difficult to narrow a wedding guest list, in most cases purely because of the cost. Back in the day (over 2o years ago), each of my guests plate cost $50.00 and as a newly wed financially strapped couple you cannot count on recovering from the cost.
With that said, I am too am very upset because recently, I was not invited to a co-workers wedding. However, I did give a gift and wish them well from my heart as I remember still the challenges of “The List”. However, I have another co-worker that is breathing down my neck everyday as too why we were not invited and so and so was. After a few days, I finally told her very nicely that it really doesn’t matter in the end, this is our JOB, let’s do it and go on about the remains of the day.
I think like others I am more hurt because my co-worker is reminding me that a select few were left out and it really has me wondering if somehow I hurt the new bride or did or said something offensive. Should I ask her about it or just leave the situation alone????

October 16, 2009 at 6:55 am
(23) Diedre says:

WOW! I’ve been laying in bed wondering why I was the only one (or one of the only ones) not invited to a particular wedding of a social dancing group. I have been torturing myself on “what is wrong with me” type of thinking that I wouldn’t be invited. It really seemed that everyone was invited. Even some of the strangest guys seemed to be invited. The only reason I could think of is that I am married and my husband doesn’t dance, but my friend was invited and her husband doesn’t dance. But they didn’t know she wasn’t married. Oh Well…I guess I must just turn some people off. Story of my life..and truthfully, I am one of the nicest people you can meet, but my shyness often looks like ‘stuck up” ness, I’ve been told. I feel bad.

November 22, 2009 at 6:32 pm
(24) Robert says:

I never get invited. I actually have been invited to a few weddings over the years. And looking back, I wasn’t able to attend some because of financial considerations. It does hurt my feelings some times. But life goes on. I feel better though after reading other people’s stories on this web page and seeing how they felt.

November 29, 2009 at 6:29 pm
(25) shelia says:

I was not invited to a coworkers wedding also. I had coworkers who did get an invitation ask me if I was going. I felt uncomfortable and so did they when I said I hadn’t been invited.

December 16, 2009 at 6:55 pm
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January 15, 2010 at 5:16 pm
(27) not invited! says:

I can totally relate. I was in this social group in college and a girl I lived with for over a year recently got married, with every detail all over facebook. At first when I didn’t get an invitation I figured “oh she’s probably having a smaller, intimate ceremony” but she invited essentially everyone she had ever said hello to at the bars at the college and not me. And it continues, everyday her and all of my college friends have dominated my live feed with pictures of the fabulous time they all had, and it makes me feel really bad, like I was intentionally left off, like I did something at some point in the past to make them all hate me. That’s an immature attitude, but I’m not going to confront her about it. I just won’t invite her to mine!

January 18, 2010 at 3:53 am
(28) Aiysha says:

ok now you all been snubbed by a bridezilla. At least you now know who your true friends and best friends are and you wont feel bad when you dont invite her to something. I have been there i have grown up with(so called friends) and then they get boyfriends they dont introduce me too but im your friend. then they get married and i just happen to hear about it years later after i baby sat your brothers and sister took care of your ill mother and didnt even ask me to be a bride maid in your wedding and then i see my so called friend and is married and she goes by the way this is my husband. And my last xx best friend just quielty has this very romantic wedding the mother goes oh its only family and friends only what am i chopped liver well after all that mess after there so called happly married well now they dont even speak to me at all any more. Then i have friends at church when i write cards for the holidays they dont write me back they go on these renisance trips and dont include me well then that is nor right we all been snubbed and be left out in the cold . But in my learning exsperiance the bride is not obligated to please everyone and make sure everyone is happy ok she is the only one that is supposed to be happy. My best advice if she is not talking to you after a year move on and dont offer shyt for free unless you dont feel like getting used ive been used by friends to . Stop being chummy with everyone at the office he he ha ha all the damn time and you wont get stood up by some stuck up you know what who dosent give a crap about other people feelings get on the u hal pay the rental fee and move on with your life.

January 24, 2010 at 7:53 pm
(29) Beginning-To-Plan says:

I’ve just started down the ‘planning path’ and the guest list is one of the first things I’m tackling…

Reading all the left-out comments has really let me slip into someone else’s shoes for a moment.

I think I will decide based upon a few questions: Have you made a significant impact in my life? Have you made an effort to be in my life? Would you be there for me no matter what?

Maybe after everything is all said and done, I could send apology letters with a wedding favor? Or would that be even worse than no word at all? …I mean, I guess we shouldn’t have to explain ourselves or our decision making, but it might be a nice gesture and I’m the type of person who wants to avoid stepping on toes, even if I don’t particularly like the person.

What do you think?

January 24, 2010 at 11:17 pm
(30) Bride got her feelings hurt says:

When I got married I invited everyone because I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. This was what I got for sparing everyone else. 8 no shows, 5 IOU’s 3 ppl didn’t even give a card and maybe 10ppl covered their plates. All in all I spent $10,000 on the reception alone and got back $2500. Finances play a big part of planning a wedding. The concept of the reception was to celebrate the begining of the couples life together and give the a little something to help them get started. Thanks for the bar tab. That really helped us out.

January 25, 2010 at 6:07 am
(31) Disney weddings says:

I think you should only invite closest freinds and famiy, moochers will turn things upside down

January 26, 2010 at 3:36 am
(32)  ŗÚŗŽÓ„ ŮÚŗÚŚť says:

Absolutely with you it agree. It is good idea. I support you.

February 2, 2010 at 4:24 pm
(33) Meg says:

Weddings celebrate a new couple’s married life together. What everyone is bellyaching about is not being invite to the reception. In my experience more people come to the reception than the ceremony so if you’re serious about supporting the couple attend the ceremony and don’t worry about a gift.

Alternatively, the couple can plan a series of showers, bachelor/ette parties or pre-wedding events to include all their well-wishers, then keep their reception numbers low because everyone has had an opportunity to celebrate beforehand (this worked well for a friend, except those of us who basically attended every single event :)

February 7, 2010 at 5:08 am
(34) Anon says:

my friends wedding is today and my husband and I were not invited. I have been friends with the groom for over 10 years. Money not an issue – trust me! And its not a numbers issue for the evening do especially the venue is massive. Every tom, dick and harry has been invited including all of our circle of friends. Every body is expecting us to be there as no-one realises we aren’t invited. When I realised I wasn’t invited, I discreetly spoke to the groom’s twin brother (and best man) to check if it was an oversight – he said very likely and just to come to the evening do. But I haven’t heard anything from the groom. My husband won’t come as he wasn’t properly invited which means I would have to turn up on my own. I feel so torn about what to do.
If I don’t go, everyone will be asking me for ages about it but I also want to respect the bride and grooms wishes if for whatever reason they didn’t want me there.
Know in the big scheme of things – this is so minor, but really making me real rubbish. any advice please?

February 14, 2010 at 11:43 pm
(35) jason says:

ok so i kind of had that same situation but idk if i should feel upset or not. so i’m still in school and i didn’t get invited to my girlfriend’s sister’s wedding but many of my school friends did…. i felt pretty crappy especially since all these guys who are after my girlfriend got to dance with her for hours while i sat at home wondering… idk if i’m being overdramatic or not but it sucks

February 21, 2010 at 6:11 am
(36) Clareabelle says:

Really interesting reading everyones posts. I have a similar situation. I have a friend who was married yesterday. Up until a couple of weeks ago I considered her to be a really good friend. We met each other through work but have always been there for each other. I when she was sick and her when I was ill. In fact she brought me food and flowers a few times a couple of months ago. She too asked for my dress and made sure I wasn’t moving away before her wedding but ALAS! I wasn’t invited!!!! She has avoided catching up with me in the past month and I’m guessing this is why. I’m really hurt as she is a lovely person and I thought we honestly were good friends up til now! Any advice???

February 28, 2010 at 6:10 am
(37) ginny says:

this sucks! a supposed friend of mine didnt invite me to her engagement. i was the first one she told me when she got proposed– she shared all her minor engagement details with me and then BOOOM no invitation?!
i wouldnt have gone to the engagement evn if she would have invited me bt it soo embarrasing cz all our “mutal” hated ppl r invited and its all over facebook!
i feel like ppl wud be judging my personality for not being invited like “they were such good friends bt shes still not invited cz she prolly sucks” i myself feel whats wrong in me tht my friend didnt invited me!
i m soo heart broken and angry
do u think i should confront her abt it?

March 10, 2010 at 6:56 pm
(38) grlnxtdr says:

I feel for all of you – I am currenlty planning a wedding and had to make some tough cuts. I don’t want to make anyone feel left out but you can’t invite everyone. I thought about inviting co-workers and other people who i’d like to spend the day with to just the ceremony or possibly the dance – but i was told that would be increadibly rude. So while i totally feel for you all – as a bride sometimes it’s a lose lose situation – so please belive they never intended to hurt you and they are probably upset about the decisions too

March 13, 2010 at 7:32 pm
(39) sam says:

I need advice. My stepson is getting married by the justice of the peace and after that there is a luncheon. I’m not invited, because his mother hates me since my husband left her for me. That happened 10 years ago. She now has a partner. I have met and had cordial converzations with my step son. My question is, since I’m not invited and would have not gone anyways, should my husban go to the luncheon? I don’t know if my husban is giving me my place. Please advice me.

March 20, 2010 at 1:27 am
(40) Owlie says:

DO NOT GO! It is your stepsons’ special day NOT YOURS! It is not about you. It is about his new life with the love of his life. Ask yourself, how would you feel if the table was turned and he did that to you?
And for goodness sakes, let your husband go to his son’s wedding without ruining it by bringing you-the lover to wife- that his son’s real mother is still hurt from. Don’t be selfish, be understanding, let the original family enjoy this ONE special day together without DRAMA!!!! GOD WILL BLESS YOU FOR IT!

March 25, 2010 at 1:11 pm
(41) fred says:

I’m with you guys. one of my close college friends is getting married in a few months and i’ve hung out with them they’ve talked about it and now all of our friends, even ones on the other side of the country have gotten invites. Its definitely a weird situation. What do you do, how do you confront the situation without being/looking like a donkeys behind. I don’t care too much but part of me feels like I really should be there and they just forgot or I have moved alot so maybe its at another address., but then if they didn’t want to invite you for whatever reason it can make the situation more awkward. Personally I’m just gonna let it go, and hopefully if I was just forgotten it will come up in the next few months that they haven’t received my rsvp.

Good luck to all and really don’t let it get to you too much. There could be a number of reasons we weren’t invited and they don’t necessarily mean we arn’t liked or appreciated by the people. Its a hectic time, so many things going on, soooo many people to remember.

It is

April 6, 2010 at 6:32 am
(42) Mary S says:

I’ve looked this up as I’m in a bit of a sticky situation myself. My nephew and I grew up together so when I got married last year I invited both him & his partner for the whole event. Our wedding was small but I wanted close family there, so I was a bit disappointed when told they weren’t coming as they were going on holiday instead – despite having known the date for over a year.
Anyway, they’re now getting married this year and I (along with a few other ‘close’ relatives) havn’t been invited at all, not even to the evening. They’re having a small wedding but the reception is at a big pub. I’m a bit hurt and don’t know what to do – do I still send a card? They sent us one but we invited them to ours. I won’t be sending them a gift (they want money for their honeymoon!) so is it really worth bothering with a card?

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April 28, 2010 at 6:41 pm
(44) david says:

I know this situation all too clearly. I know brides have a difficult time coming up with a list of who and who not to invite. But when you invite your whole office and exclude just one person, I think it’s rude and hurtful. I think it’s more appropriate to invite a few of your coworkers or all of your coworkers. But not all excluding 1 or 2 people. That’s such an obvious slight.

May 4, 2010 at 4:40 am
(45) karina says:

My boyfriend of 3 years was invited to his uncles wedding and I wasnt. We often go out to dinner with his uncle and his now fiance.I am actually good friends with her. I would never in a million yrs go to a wedding without my bf and he is telling me to just go with him. He doesn’t even want to ask. I really want to go. Why would she exclude me knowing he has a gf. What should I do?

May 13, 2010 at 12:50 am
(46) amber says:

my life long supposed best friend is getting married & did not invite me. She said it’s not that we aren’t friends…if we were friends you wouldve invited me. I’m so hurt by this….

May 19, 2010 at 2:17 pm
(47) vyroneeka says:

I agree w/ David. In an office of 12 people, I was the only one not invited to the wedding. In fact, the bride asked everyone else not to mention it in front of me. So for the past few months, there have been closed office doors and whispered conversations in the kitchen. That just made it worse. If that’s the case, explain to the one person why she’s not invited…or leave it out of the office entirely.

May 27, 2010 at 8:24 pm
(48) Elizabeth says:

If you weren’t invited, you weren’t invited! Get over it!

I can’t believe what I am reading on here! If it was a mistake, or got lost in the mail, the bride and groom will check it over and see you’re response is missing and call you!

As a recent bride, I am truly amazed at how our guests react, “Can I bring a date?”, “We’ll take a meal to go…”, “Can I bring my kids?”

Have any of the people leaving whiny comments thrown a wedding recently? You are making all sorts of excuses for yourself. YOU AREN’T INVITED.

WOW.

May 30, 2010 at 1:50 am
(49) John says:

Elizabeth, apparently you haven’t been NOT invited to a wedding or party. It hurts and simply saying, “Get over it,” is an understatement if you are close friends with the bride and/or groom. I can’t believe that some people have the nerve to just bite the bullet and let it be. When we let it be then nothing gets done and nothing changes. If you are truly hurt for not getting invited then ask why. If the host truly cares for the relationship then he/she can explain why you’re not invited.

June 8, 2010 at 6:37 pm
(50) Gloria says:

Elizabeth, if you’re soooo not concerned with any of this and how it effects people, then why are you on this site to begin with? You sound like a total b- – - h !

June 8, 2010 at 11:15 pm
(51) DeeDee says:

I agree with Elizabeth.

Weddings are extremely expensive these days and with our economy,cuts have to be made.

Grow a thick skin and get over it. There are worse things in life then not being invited to somebody’s wedding.

I’m sure the bride and groom agonized for months over the guest list and wouldn’t have made the cuts if they could afford it.

As for being close friends with the bride and groom. Maybe you were not “close friends” as you originally thought you guys were.

Weddings can put newlyweds in serious debt. I’ve seen it happen time and time again.

If you were not invited to someone’s wedding, just wish them well. It is their day and long after the food has been eaten, drinks have been drunk and the wedding singer sings her final note, the newly married couple will have to face the debt, not the guests.

Again, just wish then well and don’t take it personally.

June 17, 2010 at 12:20 pm
(52) sian says:

I’ve been through planning my own wedding and understand the financial stress that comes with it. We decided to invite close family and friends to the church and wedding reception and then a further invite was extended to work collegues and not so close friends to the evening party and everybody was happy. You can either afford to invite all work colleagues or if you can’t, dont invite anybody from the office. This exclusion is a form of bullying in the office if it upsets you and heartless collegues should not discuss the wedding during work. Take it up with the Manager!

July 15, 2010 at 12:46 am
(53) Emmaline says:

My nephew is being married in a few days. His mother was my sister, my only sibling; she has been dead now for 15+ years. One of my children was invited to the wedding. Our other children (2) were not. My husband and I were not invited, although one of my nieces said upon my contacting her about not receiving an invitation, Of course, you are all invited. She told her brother to send another invitation to us all. None of us has yet received an invitation and the wedding is three days away. The brides sister works at a nursing home where my mother is a patient. She asks my mother every day if we have received our invite; my mom says, No. We saw the bride, her sister and mom at the nursing home and when they saw us, they RAN OUT OF THE BUILDING. I am not kidding. Every cousin, 2nd and 3rd cousin has been invited. It is a big wedding. If they wanted us to have an invitation, they could send one to my mother through the brides sister. They have not done that, nor have they called to see why we have not RSVPd, which they would do if they had actually sent the invitation, right? I am just crushed over this. I feel so hurt and embarrassed. I have never had a cross word with this child in all his life. I am his mothers only sibling. Why would he do something like this? I think it is some sort of sadistic game, but I cannot imagine why. I am also surprised that I am so hurt about it.

July 19, 2010 at 1:10 am
(54) Mw says:

It hurts to be left out. It’s that simple. When you value someone’s friendship and that person leaves you out of an important part of his/her life, it is confusing, depressing and can make you feel worthless. You invested in that person and he/she doesn’t feel the same about you. Your choices? Talk to him/her about it. Accept it and leave it at that. Write that person off- be cordial, but make new friends. Don’t waste you time and energy being angry- it solves nothing. They wasted no time on you.

July 22, 2010 at 3:52 am
(55) bride-2-be wyo says:

I totally understand what this situation feels like. My friend and her boyfriend where with us when my fiancťe purposed December, two years ago. That was the most important thing thatís ever happened in our life together, and we shared that moment with them (I think now of all the other family or friends we could have invited to share that moment with us to this day.). She got engaged in February while back home in NJ and sent me a text with a picture of her ring. And thatís when it all stopped. A few months later I started seeing things on Face Book of her month to month count down. Eventually, I saw the weekend before her plans for her bachelorette, and pictures. I thought no biggy we will get at least and invitation to the wedding at then a week before her wedding weíd still not received one. I sent her an email asking what happened? Obviously this friendship ended at some point and I wasnít sure when that happened. She said that a lot of them got lost in the mail, and mine was probably one of them. Why lie? I knew what happened.

So now we get closer to our wedding date (3 weeks), and Iíve had similar questions arise to why we didnít invite some people. I have to agree that Iíve heard so many bad things that came from inviting all the co-workers (bar tabs, no gifts, budget, excreta), but we did want to invite some of our co workers. I privately contacted each that I wanted and got their home address. I didnít bring any of my wedding invitations to work, and have not discussed my guest list to everyone or much at my work place. Others know that they are invited (with out invitation) but because I understand and they understand they canít make it due to their obligation to work itís been fairly easy for us.

Sam-About your step son, I think that you should allow your husband to go to this luncheon and put your big girl panties on. If you feel left out or upset over this, suggest you throw a BBQ or small dinner party at your house for close friends and family from your side to help the couple celebrate. Iím sure they would not be offended by this. At some point those two may want to have children, and you and your husbands ex are going to have to burry the hatchet.

Elizabeth- your hilarious! I think you said nothing wrong. To sit and stew over it is just silly. My (ex) friend that I mentioned knows Iím getting married soon; she hasnít been invited to anything. I got my jabs in the whole situation, just by mentioning that my mommy and daddy didnít pay for anything, and Iím going on a real honeymoon and not to some family reunion or cabin/motel/hotel thing 50miles from my hometown. It may be immature but it feels good! Also so far, karma has shown to be so wonderful these days to those who treated me wrong. I loved how this girls outdoor wedding got totally ruined by rain (Iím pretty sure thatís got to be bad luck, especially with the crappy back up plan that was last minute).

July 30, 2010 at 9:29 am
(56) Tracie says:

My niece has excluded my husband and I from her wedding. Yet has invited the children to the Evening Celebration. An underhand tactic designed to split our family unit. What a devious manipulative cow.

She does not want gifts as she’s a co-habitee and “got everything” but in a cheeky verse wants monetary contributions to fund a month’s honeymoon to Australia. Laughable given that she and he have a well-paid jobs with the Welsh fire brigade of £50k between them and take flash holidays three times a year at £2k a time.

August 3, 2010 at 10:35 am
(57) Sharon says:

Having never known rejection Elizabeth it hurts to be excluded from those close to us and a glib ‘get over it is unhelpful, insensitive and patronising. This happened to us with co-workers at some point or other in our lives. It hurts less than at other times as it depends on your closeness. When we got married we chose whom we wanted to share OUR DAY. Naturally we can’t invite everyone and someone is going to be slighted at being overlooked. With time you do get over the hurt, anger, disappointment and resentment. Don’t waste time and energy brooding over them, find people whose company you’ll enjoy. Perhaps one day you will be in a position to issue invites. Choose carefully.

August 7, 2010 at 1:29 pm
(58) YKT says:

Well I had a “friend” for nearly 20 years and she got married a few years ago and I was never invited. Did it hurt at the time? Sure it did. But now I realize that I was treated second-class by her in many situations over the years. So I am no longer friends with her.

August 8, 2010 at 2:47 am
(59) Eric says:

I have a close friend whom I helped with plans for her niece’s wedding. I helped with the engagement party. I helped figure out family squabbles about who to invite. I listened as she drafted a blessing. I heard about the ups and downs of the engaged couples doubts the months before the wedding. Then I did not receive an invitation to the wedding. I can tell myself it is just the niece and it is her decision about who to invite. Or that they don’t have enough space. Or the niece does not know or appreciate the friendship that I have with her aunt. Or I can tell myself how my friend may not want me at the wedding. All sorts of excuses and explanations. But they don’t take away the hurt of being excluded. I know it will pass. But I am making plans for myself on the day of the wedding to take my mind off of it. I am resisting the temptation to say something nasty. And I am giving my friend some space. I’m not sure why she did not include me. But I need some space and time to chill before I talk to her about it.

August 10, 2010 at 1:23 pm
(60) anon says:

I think I would give everyone a quick update –
I did go, on my own, uninvited to the evening ‘do’
There were even bouncers on the doors to walk past!
It was horrid to walk in there but I am really glad I went
Firstly, the evening event – had not had formal invitations sent out and after speaking to the bride and groom, they had fully expected me to understand (I suppose) that myself and my partner had been invited
They were actually very upset that I had in anyway felt excluded and there had been a misunderstanding
Being too polite to speak to them directly in the run up to their big day – and not wanting to cause a fuss, had actually made the situation far worse
My plan in the future – will always be to check directly with the happy couple. If they dont want to invite me, they can tell me to my face. Good friends/ family should be able to be that honest.
Since then, I had another friend’s wedding that although I didnt expect to get invited to, every tom, dick & harry did! I spoke very plainly to the bride, wishing her very well and being very understanding that it is their day but also being very honest that I now understand where she sees our friendship.
Although, I think she was a little hurt, I also think we have a more honest friendship now because of it.
Never an easy situation, but one I would rather know for definate about rather than wonder…

August 11, 2010 at 8:27 am
(61) Darrel Bertham says:

HATE!HATE!HATE! Most of these responses are weea. What ever happened to a good ol’ hatin’? I am currently in the same situation. I considered myself closer to the bride than most people that she invited yet I did not get a “save teh date” or invitation. Part of me actually thought of “letting it go” but it really bothered me so I started to do something that many people now-a-days frown upon. I started to allow myself to hate. F her!! We email each other almost daily so I some hints. I sent her bart simpson mooning her and pepe le pew stinking her out. When she asked why I did that I said “just kidding. I know we are really good friends so it is OK”. I also am no longer talking to her. The best part is that of all the people seh invited I am probably the only person who could actually afford to cover my plate and then some. If they have a bridal shower I will NOT attend. why would I? Goign to those showers means gift fiving nad I sure as hell am not going to buy her a ggift for being a really cruddy riend. Allow yourself to hate the bride. It is healthy!

August 13, 2010 at 4:43 pm
(62) Mandy says:

Being not invited to a wedding when everyone else has is hurtful. Manipulative at worst. Bitterness has nothing to do with this whilst insensivity has.

To be excluded whether it be family, friends or co-workers is mean spirited, spiteful and hurtful. It says a lot about the bride and groom. Anyone who cannot say or explain honestly to your face why you have been left out is nothing more than a coward. Having family, friends and co-workers then go on and on about the celebrations in front of you knowing full well that you have not been invited is nothing short of bullying behaviour (Sian I agree). Don’t forget it is also bewildering for those invited as they are deeply embarrassed for you and cannot understand why you’ve been left out.

Finding people who fully reciprocate your friendship is rare. Enjoy the company of ones you do. Not going to a wedding in the long run saves you a small fortune. Karma can bite the decision makers hard on the bottom!!!

Remember amongst the many people invited, there are those who wish you were there too and cannot understand why you were left out. One person’s deliberate decision to leave you out is not everybody’s opinion of you.

August 17, 2010 at 6:26 pm
(63) gail says:

My Partner of 3 years who divorced from his wife was told by their daughter that she didn’t want me at her engagement party,even though she has stayed at our home quite a few times & we have had a good relactionship in that time.this was totally out of the blue & no doubt their was a influeance from her mother,her sister is very unhappy with her as she is making her dad choose between his daughter & the person who will share his life.This has really upset my partner & he has told his daughter that while its her choice who she has at her party its his choice as to who he spends his life with. he has told his daughter that if it can’t be both of us then he won’t be attending either.it bacame a very heated phone call & his daughter hung up on her father & they have not spoken since.We are just very confused about this all ,as we even chatted when she was home last about the engagement etc. Opions greatfully excepted.

August 28, 2010 at 9:49 am
(64) jxptif says:

????????

August 29, 2010 at 12:19 am
(65) ChocoLate says:

A friend of mine whom I have had a love/hate relationship with for the last 3 years is getting married. We have have helped each other through a lot.
She invited my partner and I to the wedding a while back however today I find out that she has planned to have a small ceremony at her church which we are not invited too but instead has invited us to the reception after.
Now I’m a little hurt because we have really been through a lot and have seen each other grow throughout the last couple of years. Now my question would be. Do you think I should ask her what happened and do I still buy a gift? The reception is not going to be formal, and I believe they have decided on finger foods etc due to a tight budget. What should I do?

August 31, 2010 at 8:05 am
(66) Operator75 says:

For the last 20 yrs. I have shared a circle of friendship with 6 of my girlfriends. We have all gone to high school together, been there for each other through ups & downs, bad relationships, sicknesses, achievements, etc. We all went to college together, all lived together in a house, and after college have always kept in touch and planned dinner get togethers, cottage away weekends.

Long story short, I received a call from my friend yesterday (the bride – unknown to me when she called!) that she had just eloped over the past weekend, with a man who was also friends with us too, as we all hung out in highschool together! “Eloped?” I said, “I’m so happy for you both!” And then as the story progressed, it turns out that she did not go away, she was with 20 people, it had been planned for the last two months, and 4 out of our 6 were not invited, but 2 were!!!! I’ve been friends with her for 20 yrs., we travelled Europe together for 3 months, went up north for a couple of years to work at holiday resorts together, highschool, college, etc. and in the end, she got married at a winery, invited her/his parents, her brother, 2 of our girlfriends from our circle (one lives on the other side of the country, one lives locally in the bride’s city, so she saw her more regularly) and then some of her new friends from the last 3 yrs!!!!

To say I and my other girlfriends are upset would be an understatement.

She told me all this on the phone at work yesterday, just beaming about it on the phone, even emailed me some pictures and asked me to keep it a secret until her and husband have a reception in a couple of months that we are invited to.

I’m just baffled that she could invite 2 of our friends from our circle and leave the other 4 of us out! So we are not close enough to her to include on her wedding day, but we are close enough to her that she can call us the next day, share the news, email us pictures, ask us to keep it a secret from others until the reception invites go out. I’m sorry, I’m confused.

I think if she really cared about us that she wouldn’t have been so sneaky about planning and pulling this off, and she would have cared about how this would hurt us.

Definately time to re-evaluate my friendships with people, I feel blindsided. I’m not angry, just so hurt and sad :-(

As much as I would want to share this with her down the line, I don’t think I would because I wouldn’t want her to feel bad, but that’s just me, I’m just more considerate about her feelings about this, then she ever was of ours.

September 12, 2010 at 3:48 am
(67) Charlie says:

My long time friend who has always told me that she loved me and missed me has not yet called or told me why I wasn’t invited to her son’s wedding which is in a week.
I had received an engagement announcement from the son and future daughter in law and assumed I would be receiving an invitation to the wedding. Our circle of friends have been invited and on Facebook they are talking about the wedding. I understand how planning a wedding can be with the amount of guests etc. My long time friend was invited to my daughter’s small intimate backyard wedding with only 70 guests. It was hard financially and we had to be selective. I did explain to my other dearest friends my daughter’s situation and they understood why they were not invited and with that they even sent gifts and thank me for being honest. I was waiting with excitement to receive the invitation so that I could mail a gift out of state however, it never came. I wish she was honest enough to explain to me why I wasn’t on her son’s guest list. Facebook is a rude way to find out truths. I am happy for my friend and her family. No anger just a piece of my heart was crushed by a long time friend who I thought could of been up front with me when we spoke 4 weeks ago and I mentioned sending a gift thinking I would receive an invitation. I need your advise- should I send a gift or just a card?

September 18, 2010 at 11:13 am
(68) nic says:

very interesting to read everyones viewpoints. I didn’t get invited to an old friends wedding, but our mutual friends did, which sowed the seed of doubt in my mind. I’m not hurt about it at all- i get that its a really hard decision and the budget might be really tight etc, and we don’t see that much of eachother anymore. The thing thats really worrying me is that my friend could have intended for me to be invited (the parents dealt with the invites) and because i didn’t go, she now thinks i wasn’t bothered- which would make me feel awful because she was a really close friend at one point. So i really hope that i wasn’t invited!

September 20, 2010 at 8:02 pm
(69) eva says:

What some people don’t realize is that weddings are expensive. It all adds up and sometimes not everyone can be invited. When i got married i invited co-workers only in my department, a few close friends and tons of family. Some friends were hurt and kind of rude for not getting invited, but all i can say is If you haven’t spoke or seen the bride or groom to be in over 2 years do you really expect an invitation??? I’m just glad i only invited people who actually cared for me and my husband, not “friends” who are now bitter they didn’t get to go to the party.

October 1, 2010 at 7:21 pm
(70) HitesMites says:

So what if you are not invited to a wedding? If you believe yourself to be friends with that person, then just let it go and continue to be one. Not everyone can be invited, so try not to take it too personally.

October 5, 2010 at 10:17 am
(71) Valerie says:

Someone that I thought was one of my closest friends, is getting married in less than 2 weeks, and i have yet to receive an invitation. She was a bridesmaid in my wedding and we have been friends for over thirty years. I just don’t have the nerve to write or call her and ask why I’m not invited. I email her twin sister, asking what the wedding date was, but I haven’t received any response.

Sure it is possible that my invitation was lost in the mail, but wouldn’t you think that someone your supposedly close to would call or contact you and ask why you haven’t responded? I can just see everyone getting on my case for not replying…. Oh well, I just needed to vent! I really don’t even think that I want to go anymore….

October 5, 2010 at 2:05 pm
(72) Jane Lewis says:

Valerie brace yourself pay her a visit or get on the phone NOW!!!

The conversation will go TWO WAYS. If it is a YES, it is possible (corny as it sounds) the invite has genuinely been lost in the post. And she might be a bit mifffed as to why YOU have not responded.

If it is a NO, she may explain why. You then thank her for telling you directly and for being honest. Anyone who cannot say or explain honestly to your face why you have been left out is nothing more than a coward. Do not get into a slanging match, conduct yourself with dignity.

To be excluded whether it be family, friends or co-workers is mean spirited, spiteful and hurtful. Donít forget it is also bewildering for those invited for they are deeply embarrassed and cannot understand why youíve been left out. Remember amongst the many people invited, there are those who wish you were there too and cannot understand why you were left out. One personís deliberate decision to leave you out is not everybodyís opinion of you.
Not going to a wedding in the long run saves you a small fortune.

I hope Valerie this may turn out to be a misunderstanding.
Good luck x

October 18, 2010 at 4:50 pm
(73) Auntie says:

I get what you all are saying. My niece and Godchild is having a brunch on Sunday morning after the wedding and invited everyone but us (we are in town and she was focusing on out-of-towners). We have been invited to help in all of the work events and would love to visit with all, and especially family coming in for just the weekend. I am really hurt about this. I am sure it is an oversight but people need to be more careful before they exclude those who have always been and continue to be their closest family members. It makes me sad……

December 2, 2010 at 2:53 pm
(74) Snappyturtledove says:

I am planning a wedding, there are quite a few co-workers who are friendly to me when it is conveinent or involves work which is fine but I don’t feel torn up at all about invited some co-workers and not others. PS this is MY wedding and MY budget…if I were Queen I could invite everyone but I am not so only the pwoplw I feel closest to are going. End of story no more discussion necessary. :)

January 20, 2011 at 8:02 pm
(75) mtc says:

I have a friend at work, lets call her “Vivien.” She’s getting married shortly. She’s talking about it to me all the time. She is in the office next to me and I even helped her decide on her shoes for the post wedding shin-dig (chuck taylors–white). Now she told me today that I’m not invited. I can’t believe it. I mean we use to go out for drinks, beef skewers and rice all the time. Or at least some times. this is all so hurtful. How do I address this with her?

January 25, 2011 at 5:41 pm
(76) mtc says:

Ok, here is a question for everyone: Is a road trip across the U.S. (starting in San Francisco and ending in Boston) a good idea for a honeymoon? The only reason I ask is because Vivien (see post above) came into my office yesterday and asked me where I went on my honeymoon. After I told her, she spent ten minutes telling me her idea about a cross-country driving adventure and asking me my advice. I gave my advice taking valuable time out of my day to provide assistance to those who need it. In any event at the end of the conversation she again told me that I wasn’t invited to her wedding.

I told her she was mean. She admitted she was and even told me her fiance asked her if she was inviting people from work. What is the best way for me to tell her (1) going on a roadtrip is a great idea which I’m sure she and her husband will love; and, (2) that I’m crashing her wedding with or without an invitation.

January 27, 2011 at 10:31 pm
(77) Squi says:

I need some advice, I was married 2 years ago and had a limit on guests. For that reason one chap who I considered inviting didn’t get an invite. He is part of a crowd of people my husband and I see, and we’ve dipped in and out of touch the last 6 years on and off from gatherings etc, never been phone buds or anything although I really like the guy but at the time of our wedding we’d lost touch, he’d been invited to our engagement party the year before but couldn’t make it and as I recall his response was simply ‘sorry, can’t come’ after that we didn’t see him.

Roll on the wedding, I’d had cancellations… I considered extending an invite to him, plus guest, but by this point I was a stressed to the point where I was I’ll, and also didn’t want him to feel like filler, so in the end it was left…

I have regretted not inviting him ever since, I obsess with how he must have felt and even though we’re not that close I just feel like I did him a great injustice… To make matters worse, we met up last oct at a wedding, and in my slightly drunken state I told him what happened, and that I was sorry I forgot to invite him, I had a guest restriction etc, I was stressed… This now feels worse, as he’d simply figured it was as a result of losing touch… The fact that I said I forgot to send an invite now feels like a terrible weight on my shoulders, like I forgot him!!! That must sting!

He’s getting married later this year, I don’t expect nor do I covet an invite, but it has brought his feelings into play, as I know-all our mutual mates will be there… how must he have felt… I just feel vile, like an a hole, and wish I could take it back! Anyone else dealt with troubles like this??

February 8, 2011 at 2:19 pm
(78) Lacy says:

My parter and mine good friends for years did not invite us to their wedding. I was disappointed. I understood it was to be a small wedding, all family, however they invited ONE other couple from our large group of friends. All of my friends were surprised it was not us, it is embarrassing and hurtful. I feel incredibly stupid. I got dumped. I thought we were family. I was invited to the shower, and expected to bring a gift. It was the most horribly awkward event. (mostly those that were invited) I don’t believe our relationship will ever recover.

February 26, 2011 at 7:15 am
(79) Barbara says:

I have been friends with a woman for 28 years. We had our children together and were neighbors for many years. When I moved to Washington DC she came to stay with me. I spent days driving her around my new area, taking her places and making her a real guest of honor. Then when I moved to the San Francisco area she came to visit (on a three hour notice) and the same thing. My husband and I took her everywhere in the Bay area and tried to again give her the visit of a life time. Yet last month when her daughter got married guess what — no invitation. She just said “Oh my daughter made up the guest list.” I had been excited about the wedding and asking questions about the gown and the hall, etc. Heck I would not have been able to come anyway as my husband was out of the country and my mother was with me at the time. So all it would have cost her was the price of an invitation and a stamp. And I would have been so thrilled I would have sent a really nice present for the daughter. My husband does not care as much but even he could not believe we were not invited. Her second daughter is getting married in a few months. I wonder if she will bother inviting us for that one — not that I would bother going.

April 11, 2011 at 1:03 pm
(80) p says:

i’ve been invited and not been invited. if you are the one not invited it sucks it makes you feel like something is wrong with u, but truthfully the only time it hurts is when someone does this because they are basically trying to send you a message, ie ‘i don;t want you to be around on my special day and there are others i’d rather have then you.’ but anybody who is uninviting you because of this reason shouldn’t really b in your space to begin with. Sometimes ppl invite ppl b/c they want something and its not being a friend. You don’t have to explain, but again if i was a nice person i would explain to the person i wasn’t inviting why and let them know it doesn’t effect their relationship but that we simply aren’t as close as other dear friends. i mean you should be about to live with that. I have been excluded and its no fun, but truthfully i wouldn’t have cared if it wasn’t others who were just as not close were invited as well and to not mention it like you don’t know is really not cool. You know. But it’s not that deep.But to invite EVERYONE except one person in your office is so tacky and ingeneous and Elizabeth on here has no tact. That could easily b you. sorry.

May 8, 2011 at 12:00 pm
(81) clark says:

I didn’t get invited to a friend’s wedding but to me it’s not a big deal because I know that at the end of the day, we haven’t really kept in touch since high school. What sucks is to think that though I was in this circle of friends, I was kind of the only guy and in reflection of that in many ways, I was left out. My whole life I have been left out. I don’t pity myself, at this point I don’t gravitate towards groups, I take the best ones from different groups and I form my own. I know that I can count on myself and I don’t have to rely on groupthink for a sense of security, and that is a warming thought. What hurt me from all this nonsense though, was the fact that it is made public on facebook and I have to see it. Well, I defriended the bride because there is no point in keeping any contact. Call it resentful, but this whole thing reminded me that she doesn’t hold any gravity in my life and I no longer care for her to be anywhere near it. I would rather a smaller, more intimate wedding where I can assure that my besties will be there to celebrate with me. I honestly will have no remorse for not inviting certain people because its a well-earned slap in the face to people who make no effort to stay in contact.

May 27, 2011 at 6:47 pm
(82) smj says:

I’m afraid I wasn’t invited to a co-worker’s wedding either. She had a two-tier invitation system – which I was totally unaware of – some people were invited to the wedding AND reception and 3 of us were invited to the reception only. Incredibly this was not mentioned by a single one of my 37 work colleagues in the months before the wedding. I had absolutely no idea and certainly wouldn’t have attended if I had! The first person I met at the venue was my boss and, in a nutshell, he showed me out to the viranda where the rest of my work colleagues were. My face must have been a picture. I fled after an hour. I couldn’t even speak I was in such shock. Some time has passed, I now only speak to work colleagues about work. I always take the day off rather than attend the Christmas party. I just go in, do my job, go home and ge paid. I no longer waste my precious free time nor do I contribute to anyone’s “honeymoon fund”. Truth be told, it was one of the worst wedding receptions I’ve every attended. There was no food! Only the wedding guests got food, which my boss explained had been lovely. I’m sticking with the motto “a fair day’s work for a fair day’s pay” from now on.

May 29, 2011 at 9:11 am
(83) Simply says:

I previously had a function planned and from the beginning to the end I involved 2 of my co worker. They were asked opinions, ideas and any input . I even changed the date of the event to accommodate one of them so they could attend. There were times when I would be told what I should do or incorporate in the event and when I told them it really should not be made so costly they would make gestures and meet after we had group discussion on their own. I thought they had bad intentions but I tried to dismiss it . After noticing that clearly their opinion was catered to a wedding bridal shower or something a little to extravagant and I was doing it more simple. I noticed the sarcastic remarks they would make at times. When coming down to the event I decided to just stick to what I was intending to do and just try to surprise them as Invitees but still ask their opinion . The day of the event they told me that they would be there a certain time and when I got there no one showed until after I was finish decorating. I noticed she tried to organize two things and started to take pictures with her phone. The other never showed. Upon leaving the place to get ready the one co worker said “do you need me to bring anything?” I told her sure since I am running late you can get me some more fruits.
I got to my function 2 minutes late and a half an hour passed then an hour and I texted both co worker one said she was caught up and sorry she won’t be attending . The other on hand was the one bring the fruits she said she was in the middle of something and how was it or if she missed it? I replied and told her no she did not and to disregard bringing the fruits. Can you tell me if this was malicious ? And they knew they were honorable mentions in my brochure and to my event and never showed. What should I do moving forward?

June 24, 2011 at 5:18 am
(84) Mary says:

WHY did you get involved with and let these two horrible, nasty bitches? They definitely do not have your best interests at heart and have done everything to make YOU look stupid.

Why on earth is your self-esteem so dependent on THEM? You moved YOUR venue to suit THEM!!!! WHY???

To answer your question “are they being malicious?” Of course they are. As for you moving forward, have very little to do with them. That way they can’t hurt you. If they bully or victimise you speak to your boss.

June 24, 2011 at 3:34 pm
(85) Pmo says:

A few years ago I was asked to organize a wedding shower for a girl at work. She was in another department, and we weren’t particularly close, but got along very well. I think I was only asked to organize it because I have good decorating and baking skills, and had more disposable income than my other co-workers.

So, I went to the expense of baking cupcakes, making invitations (bought nice paper, printed them, made them very pretty), made pasta salad, a sandwich tray (with expensive meats and breads) and even made the punch.

A few ladies did give me $5 to help overcome the costs, which was helpful.

HOWEVER…….

I didn’t even receive an ivitation to the wedding! After all of that, no invite. I got them a nice gift and everything. It was very embarrassing. That was my LAST shower to host, ever!

July 4, 2011 at 2:50 pm
(86) Alie says:

Yea.. a “friend” of mine just had her wedding. My best friend was invited, but I was not. When I planned my best friend’s bachelorette party, when I had a party for my grandma at my apartment, and a bunch of other times, I invited this friend to all my things. We’re sorority sisters and everything.. yet a bunch of people… sorority sisters… my other friends.. my best friend.. they were ALL invited and _I_ was not! My best friend even asked me about 4-5 times.. “Are you sure you’re not invited? Does she have your address?”.. and I’m like I’m NOT and yes, she probably does.. either way she spoke to me many many times after she got engaged.. I wasn’t invited to anything and not to her wedding either.. I was pretty upset about it. I’m not going to lie. -and I don’t plan on speaking to her anymore, because clearly I wasn’t as important enough as her other many friends she invited… so.. yea.. bummer.

July 7, 2011 at 5:15 am
(87) Phil says:

All I have to say to the other people on here that are hurt, disappointed, and feel left out, I do feel your pain for I have been snubbed out of my friend’s wedding about 2 weeks ago too. Sickens me how it’s suppose to be one of the more important days of your friends lives and that you were not specifically invited, I really think it shows their true colors and how much they really care for you. But alas, revenge is sweet ~when it is my turn to marry the ones that snubbed me will NOT be attending as well, see how that makes them feel, a taste of their own medicine. Basterds.

July 15, 2011 at 4:44 pm
(88) Elizabeth says:

I know what you are all feeling. My niece did not invite me to her wedding and when I complained about it I got some nasty anonymous emails from someone who I suspect was my own sister. I have never done anything to my niece but the nasty emails told me that I had done something at the time of my nieces’s mother’s death. The only thing I did at the time was to try to defend her against the remarks her sister was making at the deathbed. I told her sister to be quiet and she tried to throw me out of the house. I told the sister that I was not leaving. I told my dying sister that I loved her and that she was a great sister. My sister and I had already made up after she did not attend my interracial wedding. I do not understand why but I suspect that my marriage had something to do with not being invited. I have thought about completely cutting off my family because of the insane emails. Anyway it was a slap in the face and I need advice on how to respond.

August 13, 2011 at 11:03 pm
(89) it shouldn't be like this says:

Although there are some really horrible examples of thoughtlessness and plain rudeness (inviting all but 1 co-worker), I truly think many of you have never been closely involved with planning – or paying for – a wedding. I am MOB and we and the bride are paying for everything, even the rehearsal dinner. We are very middle-class, have worked hard all our lives, and have 3 daughters (weddings to pay for). We are struggling to have the nicest event for the most people that we can. The bride and groom were involved in choosing the venue and type of reception and the groom’s family was aware from the beginning. The venue seats 100 people and we are already about $2000 over budget. Yet all we have heard so far 2 months before the wedding-mostlyfrom the groom’s family, is that they need to invite more people-cousins, dates for cousins. A friend of the groom who now lives in another state posted a note on Facebook asking why he wasn’t invited. Another friend of the groom returned her RSVP (addressed to her alone, not “and guest” or “plus one”) with 2 written in the acceptance space. We can’t seat more than 100 people, our insurance only covers us if we have no more than 100 people – and somebody has to pay the extra $ for extra people – what are we supposed to do? I would love to have $30-40K to rent a huge place and invite everyone and dates for all of the single people. Why not pay an extra $200 a pop for someone to have date night? Face it people, it’s probably not the direct insult you think it is – it’s probably more a matter of necessity. This has caused a lot of lost sleep and worry-trying not to hurt people’s feelings and still have the event of a lifetime that we want for the bride and groom. We’re doing the best we can-give us a break.

August 15, 2011 at 5:08 pm
(90) haru says:

I agree with “it shouldn’t be like this” who posted above. Most people on this board sound like they have no idea what goes into planning (and paying for) a wedding.

I am having a small wedding this week. 60 people only. My fiance and I are covering all the costs ourselves – including the cost of flying out his entire nuclear family and putting them up at the hotel. We decided to only invite people with whom we feel close – people who we know well. That doesn’t necessarily include every cousin we haven’t spoken to in the last 5-10 years.

Most people that I didn’t invite were not invited b/c I don’t really know them. For example, my aunt never made any effort to call me or interact with me when I was growing up, and I have not seen her in 10 years. I’m not mad. I’m just not inviting her because I don’t think she’d be interested and I have no relationship with her. I would rather have my best friends with me who I see and talk to all the time, and who have been there for me for years.

And all these people belly aching about not being invited to their friend’s child’s wedding – get over yourselves. I didn’t invite any of my mom’s friends – because I don’t know them! And my fiance and I are paying for everything ourselves. If my mom was helping out, and wanted to invite a few people, that would have been fine. But she’s not! Why can’t you all understand that parents cannot force their grown children to invite people they don’t know?

And guess what? Hurt feelings happen to the bride, too! I invited someone who I thought was a great friend, and she simply stopped talking to me and never responded to the invitation or any of my calls or messages again. No idea why, after she initially said she was happy for me.

In short, get over it.

September 10, 2011 at 8:41 am
(91) office etiquette says:

It is totally understandable that everyone getting married has a budget while planning a wedding. However, it is rude, bordering on malicious in an office environment to openly discuss who is and who isn’t invited to a co-worker’s wedding.
What’s even worse is to continue to continually talk about it in the presence of those who weren’t invited. It creates further disharmony which is counterproductive. While its a no brainer that not everyone in a particular workplace are “friends”, openly bragging about it is simply rude. If its meant to be a private party, keep the discussion about it private and out of the workplace.

September 30, 2011 at 7:49 am
(92) GradStudent says:

I just think it is rude to invite ppls from work to a bridal but only handpick ones for the wedding—tells me it is more about the presents than anything, or it is a personal thing. It happened to me. I was invited to the bridal shower but not the wedding. I am okay with it, but can’t help but think that is just rude. I would disregard any relationship with this person other than work. You know, it is not your wedding, but things like this even in business are very personal; it would even say that business is personal. It involves emotion. Don’t underestimated that. We are social beings. Anway, rude is the one word that instantly comes to mind.

October 15, 2011 at 12:26 am
(93) Jessie says:

My cousin’s daughter is getting married and I got invited to the bridal shower. At the shower I find out her daughter is having the wedding the following month and I was not invited. I think it is rude to invite me to a shower and not the wedding. Do you think it’s rude?

October 23, 2011 at 2:54 am
(94) OddCouple says:

Nah, there are worse things than not getting invited, especially to a family wedding.

The worst thing is getting invited, and being asked to be the “errand people” during the wedding reception.

Whenever there’s a family event like that, my wife and I sometimes have to be careful not to get involved as “servants.”

October 29, 2011 at 8:12 pm
(95) Bobby says:

My cousin just got married, and I only knew through seeing the news on people’s walls in Facebook. Granted, we don’t hang much, but to find out the entire family was there?! Hmmm, time to rethink which side of the family to see on the holidays…

November 26, 2011 at 8:50 am
(96) Roberta Gerrick says:

A friend of mine is having a wedding for her daughter.People are offering to entertain (make a party) before they even know that they are invited just to get on the guest list. I think this is rude and people should offer after they know they are invited. I was not invited to her sons wedding because she had to add all of the people that were not going to be invited but offered to entertain??? Am I the only one that think this is not acceptable?

December 7, 2011 at 3:15 pm
(97) tyaisha says:

I would not attend any office party.. If you clearly know everyone in the office is going to the wedding and you were left out why be apart of anything that is going on.. That just a slap in the face not invited and I am attending all the office funcations around it.. thats just plan rude. I say deal with the fact you are not going to the wedding and stay out of all office plans around it…

December 23, 2011 at 12:48 pm
(98) Venezia says:

What about this situation: My 14-year old son was asked to be an usher at my cousin’s wedding (they are not close – I think they just needed a filler, honestly). After saying yes, my son became extremeley anxious when he found out he was expected to dance and interact with some girl he doesn’t know. He’s at a very awkward stage right now. So he begged me to get him out of it, and so i did. I found out yesterday that we are now not invited to the wedding. They are blaming “no space” via the grooms mother (my aunt). My 74 year old father is devastated, and now he is not going either, even tho he was invited. This was probably the last major life event to happen in our family, that my dad was going to partake in, unless someone has a baby or something, and I feel they took that away from him. Was this necessary? Did they have to break his heart like this??

January 9, 2012 at 8:06 pm
(99) Marc says:

A bit to late I suppose, but for other who come accross this issue:

The most important thing should be your relationship.

Weddings can come and go but friendships can be around a long time. If you feel you are indeed friends, it’s imperative that you talk to your friend, not in an angry way, and simply say: “Hey, I do consider us friends and the fact that I was not invited makes me wonder if I have done something to hurt that friendship.”

If you value the friendship, then any awkwardness should be well worth it … swallow your pride and communicate your feelings!

February 5, 2012 at 2:11 pm
(100) OddBodd says:

My problem is that I have been invited to a wedding!! A friend of mine is getting married in April. I have been invited to the wedding ceremony and evening reception.

Talking to a mutual friend about it, I discover that she has been invited to the wedding, A RECEPTION FOLLOWING and the evening function.

I assumed that the evening event was the reception and knew nothing about the reception following the church service.

I understand weddings are expensive, I accept that lists have to end somewhere but I really do feel hurt that the line between ‘friend’ and ‘acquaintance’ is so clearly drawn within our social group. It even made my friend who had been invited to everything feel uncomfortable and not want to go without me.

I would have felt fine if all friends had been treated alike and only family invited to the reception. I am just thankful this issue has surfaced now, as the wedding is out of town and we would have no doubt shared transport only to discover after the service that there was a party about to start and not all were invited.

I am not going to say anything to spoil my friend’s wedding day, I will wait until the last moment to send an apology and decline her kind invitation.

I feel such a heal to be upset at receiving what is a very kind invitation, but to know I am not thought as highly as friends within the same circle is hurtful.

March 17, 2012 at 12:02 am
(101) Grady Guadalupe says:

Very educational blog article.Much thanks again. Will read on…

May 15, 2012 at 3:04 am
(102) Anne says:

yeap i know the feeling too. My cousin is getting married and she’s having her bachelorette party in Vegas and she didn’t invite me i had to find out this weekend that’s why was going to vegas for. She didn’t invite me to her wedding also. But she did invite my sister in law to both i was hurt when i found out but it is what it is.

May 18, 2012 at 4:31 am
(103) baby says:

hey…. I have been hearing talks about my colleague getting engaged shortly…. and also that few people from work being invited for it.

Wats suprised me is the fact that he has invited people who he got to know after me. I did speak to him a couple of days ago, since he came across a accident, but he didnot discuss the engagement and FYI has already invited me for the wedding….

What is happening ….

June 4, 2012 at 8:32 pm
(104) SAB says:

I was not invited to a step-daughter’s wedding, and her step-father is the one who helped her in making that decision. After moving out of our home in anger, she & her boyfriend met with her step-father (my husband) on his birthday @ a local bar and gave him the biggest container of liquor I have ever seen & an 8×10 glossy picture of her (deceased) mother, who has been dead for more than 30 years.

Her step-father told her to not invite me if it made her uncomfortable since it was her wedding. So she sent the invitation to our home addressed to only her step-father (this is probably her 3rd marriage). I have taken it in stride after she has done some mean spirited things (sent her step-father an email telling him she hated me, putting some negative things on the internet asking questions about me, telling her step-father to tell me she planned to have a few out-of-town guests stay at our home, etc.).

Since she is not far from being 50 years old, she is well accountable for what she does and says, so I don’t mind turning down her husband’s invites. I emailed her almost a year ago to clear the air, but she has not taken me up on my offer. I was told that her step-father could put an end to her game playing by just not participating in anything she plans. But he refuses to do that because he believes she would stop speaking to him and I guess he could does not want that to happen. I have kids, but they would never treat him the way his step-daughter has treated me.

July 19, 2012 at 8:23 am
(105) Summer says:

I’ve had a VERY similar thing happen to me recently.

I’ve just had a baby and two of my friends have been married this year (one of them actually is divorced already… I know.) The first one I wasn’t too cut up about not being invited to, since this girl wasn’t having anything fancy, and we hadn’t really done much together in the past year or so since I was pregnant. I still went to her house and gave her a wedding present and had dinner with her… no hurt feelings. I think they had about 40 people at her wedding…

However, this other couple… I worked with both the groom AND bride for six years before taking maternitiy leave and they invited EVERY SINGLE person at work. Get this – even two girls who had left work and MOVED AWAY at least two years ago. I was very close with the bride, she referred to me as her ‘sister’ a lot etc.

They invited about 300 people to their wedding… Because this girl’s parents are literally billionaires. They didn’t invite me. And now I have to go back to work and pretend like everything is okay between us. And also, another girl from work had her baby a week before me and was also on maternity leave, and, of course, SHE got an invite. I’m absolutely blown away by this, and so many of our work friends can’t even figure out why the hell I wasn’t given an invitation. It was an absolute kick in the teeth seeing all the facebook photos and comments… I still said my congratulations to them and asked about their honeymoon etc. when I came back to work, but in my head all I was thinking was, “F*** YOU!”

July 23, 2012 at 1:01 pm
(106) Sad In the great lakes says:

I just received a wedding invitation from a family member that did not include my husband. I was so sure it was an error, I sent the RSVP for two instead of the ONE, as indicated.
I sent an e-mail, just to give them a “heads up” on the error, and was advised that it was not an error, and once a final head count was done, I would be advised if my husband could come. They tell me they are operating on a tight budget. I was soooo embarrassed. Never heard of such a thing. I tried graciously to apologize and advised to remove my name as a yes. Once the final head count was made, IF there was room for BOTH of us, to let me know. Should I have just backed out totally? Is To invite one person of a married couple to a wedding appropriate? Personally, I wouldn’t send one at all if I could not accomodate both. :( I understand budget, I was just embarrassed that I assumed it was a mistake.

August 31, 2012 at 1:08 pm
(107) Left Out in the South says:

A girl I work closely with is getting married. Another female in our department is the Matron of Honor and the one responsible for the Bridal Shower. The wedding is a constant topic of open conversation between these two and the bride to be showed everyone her invitations when she picked them up from the printers.
Our wall calender has been decorated on the dates of the bachelorette party, the bridal shower and the wedding/honeymoon.
A few days ago, bridal shower invitations (with people’s names written on the envelopes) appeared in a common area. There was one for every female in our department except me.
I have not said anything to anyone, but I WILL say that I was not invited if anyone asks.

September 3, 2012 at 11:44 am
(108) Rosie says:

My BIL & sister have vacationed with my husband & I in the past. We’ve always had a good time. However, after hearing all about the fun we’ll have at my nephew’s caribbean destination wedding, I received a cryptic voicemail from my sister, “It will be only for immediate family.” Later, my BIL let it slip that a couple of their friends are attending. I don’t care so much that we weren’t invited, but to find out that my sister lied to me is more hurtful. At least she could have made up a better excuse! Now It’s made for uncomfortable family get-togethers when the bride & groom are heard talking ab out their wedding plans to others.

September 14, 2012 at 10:45 am
(109) Tripp says:

Elizabeth Post stated that she learned from Emily Post that proper etiquette is making people feel welcomed and comfortable. It was uncouth for your co-worker not to keep the wedding separate from the office. She should have sent invitations to peopleís homes and not hand delivered them at the office.
Since she does not want you to be part of her wedding, then it shows poor etiquette for you to attend any function such as a bridal shower as this would make things awkward for everyone. It is also uncouth to inform her that you were not invited. At best you will receive a pity-invitation and feel obligated to buy gifts. We never get-over that childhood hurt of being excluded. As adults we can at least think about how much money we save by not going.

October 12, 2012 at 12:40 pm
(110) Jeff says:

Wow! So many different views of Weddings. I understand if a couple has limited funds for a Wedding. But how much does it cost to have a small party at your house to celebrate? I have heard many stories of people not invited and they were close friends. I had a 250 person Wedding. It costs a lot. But we charged it and I paid it off in due time. I am a guy and believe Weddings are for family and friends. It’s not about us. It upsets me when 30 percent of th people who attended my Wedding have Destination Weddings. Their defense is to get away from politics and problems. But it just shows you are cheap and expect everyone to take vacation and spend money. At least have a dinner at your house for the people that cannot attend your far away Wedding. I am a guy and it upsets me when my wife and I are not invited to Weddings. Especially when they went to ours. I have kids on the way. We plan to have a big ceremony and those people are not invited….

January 17, 2013 at 10:33 pm
(111) Sar says:

Going through the same thing. I work in an office of just 6 people, my coworker is getting married, and I’m the only one not invited. More than anything it’s embarrassing. You wonder what’s wrong with you that YOU were the only one excluded. It just makes me a little sad, as I already doubted whether or not I fit in. Completely understand that budget is tight, etc., but they are inviting 350 guests, and to exclude just one coworker in such a small office… I’m single so I wouldn’t have even had a plus one. To make matters worse, the wedding is discussed all the time, and I can tell that the other coworkers have pity for me. At this point I don’t even want to go, but it’s still embarrassing that I’ve been excluded.

January 29, 2013 at 7:43 am
(112) Ka'El says:

My exhusband’s sister took an instant dislike to me and so consequently enjoyed our wedding day, food, alcohol and dancing yet decided to only invite my husband to her wedding. It wasn’t that she was trying to keep it small or on budget, she simply wished to make a point. She did however send me a gift list to choose from and suggested I could stand for £200 gift… My exhusband went to the wedding after all blood and all that and I later found out that she was trying to hook him up with a female friend.

February 20, 2013 at 1:23 pm
(113) NY worker says:

I’ve recently not been invited to a co-worker’s wedding (where others have) and it’s been a real knock to my confidence within the office, something which I’m reluctant to admit to – it’s like being informed that no-one really likes you!

It’s clear from comments that the worst part is the year (or so) leading up to the wedding all the while feeling excluded plus being forced into looking again at your relationship with that person whilst they are on Cloud 9 enjoying all the excitement.

If I get some form of regretful sentiment then that would be some consolation but to say nothing just feels like “You didn’t think you’d be invited did you?!”.

Clearly mine is an over-emotional and self-focused response which is reflective of how recent the news was. Hopefully in the next week or so I’ll realise this isn’t a bridezilla power trip and that I’m just not as close to my co-worker as I thought but at least we are still friendly.

Wish me luck and good luck to you all out there struggling with the same problem.

March 23, 2013 at 1:39 am
(114) Sally says:

Earlier this year a friend of mine who i keep in touch from time to time and once every vacation i get personally messaged me saying she and her long time boyfriend was getting engaged while attaching a photo to the message about saving the date however she was still gonna send the invitations my way.. As i waited a month i didnt recieve her mail and i asked her when she sent it she said that she sent it the week before.. Since we live in the same state i figured the mail couldnt possibly taken more than a week to come.. And the fact is i was about to move to a new house so i figured the post offices had made some mistake.. I know she was telling me that her and her fiancee are a little over the amour of occupany at their venue but she said she would send me a new invitation to my new house. It has been about a month should i call/ message her whether or not she got time to send out the invite or if she forgot???

March 30, 2013 at 12:53 pm
(115) Jess says:

I have to agree with Elizabeth that some people need to grow up. If the bride did something rude like inviting all her coworkers except you, then ask her about it if you want and then let it go. It’s a one day ceremony and not that big a deal in the grand scheme of things. Hating the bride or insulting her is downright petty. And while you may think she invited every Tom, Dick, and Harry, to her they may actually be close friends or have some other close relationship you’re unaware of. If you don’t want to continue a close friendship with the bride then don’t, but stop acting like a child throwing a tantrum. Admit to yourself you’re hurt, remind yourself it’s likely not personal, and put it behind you.

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