Guest Etiquette: When You're Not Invited to the Wedding
Wednesday March 1, 2006
Office politics can create some sticky situations, especially when you're not invited to a coworkers wedding. Weddings reader HelloThere06 writes in our forums:
I work with a group of 20 people.One of the female workers is getting married. I have (at least I thought I did) a good relationship with this person. She recently passed out invitations to everyone else (people that she is close with but also others that she doesn't really have any contact or relationship with) in the group except for me. All day, the group talks about it or I hear her making plans for the wedding as she sits in cubicle next to my cubicle. It is obvious to most that I am only one not invited. It is embarrassing and I don't understand it. Recently, we are in meeting where everyone is talking and debating about this event (including our bosses) and it is blatant and evident that I have been excluded. How do I handle this situation in a professional/best way? Am I required to participate in any events that relate to this event? Like a meeting that has been scheduled to have a work bridal shower?
How would you handle this situation? Ordinarily I'd say to accept the fact that you didn't get invited, but to try to put your best and most professional foot forward. Go to the bridal shower, wish her well, and try to forget about it. But it really does sound in this case like there might have been a mixup. Perhaps it would be best to find another coworker who can casually ask if everyone in the group is invited to the wedding. That way, if indeed the omission was intentional, a messy confrontation is avoided so that your working relationship can be preserved. What do you other readers think? Am I right or totally off base? Sound off in the weddings forums!
I work with a group of 20 people.One of the female workers is getting married. I have (at least I thought I did) a good relationship with this person. She recently passed out invitations to everyone else (people that she is close with but also others that she doesn't really have any contact or relationship with) in the group except for me. All day, the group talks about it or I hear her making plans for the wedding as she sits in cubicle next to my cubicle. It is obvious to most that I am only one not invited. It is embarrassing and I don't understand it. Recently, we are in meeting where everyone is talking and debating about this event (including our bosses) and it is blatant and evident that I have been excluded. How do I handle this situation in a professional/best way? Am I required to participate in any events that relate to this event? Like a meeting that has been scheduled to have a work bridal shower?
How would you handle this situation? Ordinarily I'd say to accept the fact that you didn't get invited, but to try to put your best and most professional foot forward. Go to the bridal shower, wish her well, and try to forget about it. But it really does sound in this case like there might have been a mixup. Perhaps it would be best to find another coworker who can casually ask if everyone in the group is invited to the wedding. That way, if indeed the omission was intentional, a messy confrontation is avoided so that your working relationship can be preserved. What do you other readers think? Am I right or totally off base? Sound off in the weddings forums!
Comments
I am currently haaving the same issue with a female coworker. People that don’t even know her got an invitation, and I did not. I thought we were friends and offered to help her plan her wedding and shower, and offered to dance at her wedding. It’s now 2 days before her wedding and I sent her an email explaining that I am disappointed and hurt, that I don’t want to attend the wedding, but that I wish her and her new life all the bleesings they deserve. She immediately walked over to my desk with an invitation, which I still don’t want. My mind ran across the possibility of attending, when I looked at the envelope only to see that my name was spelled incorrectly. I do know that I will not be going to that wedding.
I was in a similar situation. I was not invited to a friend’s, but many of our other friends were. I don’t know if I was forgotten, but I found out when the day of the wedding was after it had occured. I guess it really hit home when I saw many of our friends in a wedding picture together. I guess I was never a part of the group to begin with.
I wasn’t invited to a coworker’s wedding but all my other work friends were. They were not only invited but also asked to be in the wedding. Whenever we had lunch together everyone (except me) would talk about the wedding. I was excluded and felt hurt. I wasn’t close to her like the others but I did talk to her when she was around.
My brother and I designed an invitation (in our own time, for free) for a co-worker’s engagement party. We didn’t get invited the end, but we found the best way of ‘handling’ the ’situation’ was to complain to all the other co-workers, especially the ones that did get to go. It made my brother and I feel a little better about things. Me and my brother love karma.