Is It Appropriate to Track Down Late Wedding Guest RSVPs?

The experts weigh in.

A pink wedding invitation suite with deckle-edge invitations, detail cards, RSVP cards, and envelopes

Photo by Erica Streelman

From introducing your aesthetic to sharing pertinent information about the time and place of your event, there’s no question that wedding invitations are helpful tools for your wedding guests. Sending these beautifully designed pieces of paper in the mail also provides essential details that you and your partner need as you plan your upcoming celebration. It's not just the invitation that comes inside that lovely envelope, though: There, guests will also find an RSVP card, which allows them to indicate to the couple whether or not they’ll be attending the festivities. 

Not only will RSVPs tell you whose faces you’ll see on your wedding day, but they’ll also give you an accurate head count that enables you to plan pivotal details, such as creating your seating chart and telling your caterer the exact number of plated dinners you’ll need. Plus, your these responses can also include other important intel, including if any of your friends and family have dietary restrictions, where they’ll be staying during the course of the function, and how many events they’ll be attending if you’re hosting multiple days of festivities

Even though you’ve probably specified on your RSVP card a particular deadline for replies, it’s likely that not everyone will respond in time, whether it’s because they’re on the fence about attending or they’ve simply forgotten. Since you need to know how many guests will be attending your big day in order to continue planning properly, waiting on stragglers to respond can present a major interruption that may induce a lot of unneeded stress.

Meet the Expert

  • Sophie Mae is the founder and creative director of Stylish Details Events, a luxury wedding and event planning company that serves Southern California, New York City, and destinations around the world. She’s been in the field for 12 years.
  • Jove Meyer is the owner and creative director of his eponymous event planning and design firm, which he launched in 2008 in New York City.

If you’re dealing with late RSVPS, we asked the experts if it’s appropriate to follow up with those who haven’t responded by the designated date. Keep scrolling to read about their stance on the matter, plus when and how to contact those who haven’t replied in time.

Watercolor invitation suite with custom monogram, illustration of Amalfi, and sky envelope lining

Photo by Jenny Quicksall Photography

Is It Appropriate for Couples to Track Down Late Wedding RSVPs?

The short answer: Yes. Both Sophie Mae of Stylish Details Events and Jove Meyer believe that tracking down delayed RSVPs isn’t just appropriate—it’s necessary. You and your future spouse need to know exactly how many people will be celebrating with you on your wedding day, so you can give your vendors the proper information they’ve requested to proceed with the final plans, which include creating the floor plan, making place cards, and confirming the right number of meals, Meyer notes. “Final counts are typically due to the wedding venue, the caterer, the rental company, and the stationery designer two weeks prior to the wedding,” Mae explains. “It’s imperative that the couple knows who will be attending the wedding in a timely manner, so these vendors can begin securing final details.” 

Without an exact head count, you and your vendor team won’t be able to proceed with the planning process, so it’s a necessary step you can’t overlook. According to Meyer, the only way to report this number accurately is to ask those who are late sending in their responses if you can expect to see them on your big day. “While no one wants to bother guests about whether they're coming to the wedding or not, sadly they have to,” he explains.

When Should Couples Track Down Late Wedding RSVPs?

Engaged duos usually put their invitations in the mail six to eight weeks prior to the wedding, and they typically give their friends and family four weeks to send back their responses. Since late RSVPs are to be expected, Meyer suggests putting an earlier deadline than you actually need on your RSVP cards to account for stragglers. For instance, if you need a head count by September 21 for an October 21 wedding, ask your guests to reply by September 14. Mae advises giving your loved ones an extra week after the specified RSVP date as a grace period. “This gives guests buffer time to account for any personal delays the guest might be experiencing,” Mae indicates. If you still find yourself waiting on overdue replies after the additional seven days, both planners encourage you to start following up with tardy guests.

Wedding invitation suite with green envelopes and a venue illustration on the liner and white invitations and an RSVP card with green font

Photo by Dani Toscano

How Should Couples Track Down Late Wedding RSVPs?

The first step involves keeping track of which friends and family are actually late to respond. As your RSVPs are sent back to you—whether it’s in the mail or on your wedding website—Mae recommends keeping a detailed record of who has answered and who hasn’t. After you’ve gathered a list of guests who are behind schedule, reach out to them individually, asking whether or not they’ll be attending. Meyer advises connecting with the couple via whatever form of communication is most common between you and the individual. “For some, that is via text message,” he says. “For others, over email. And lastly, some prefer a good old phone call.” It doesn’t need to be an elaborate and formal message. You can say something along the lines of, “Hey, I’m trying to gauge a final head count for my wedding, so this is just a reminder to RSVP!”

If you’re nervous about reaching out to each late guest or if you simply don’t have the time to do so, Mae suggests asking your maid of honor, best man, or another member of the wedding party to reach out on your behalf, reminding the individual to RSVP. “This removes unnecessary stress from the bride and groom and avoids any embarrassment the guest might experience if they forgot to respond,” Mae explains.

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