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Funny Wedding Readings

Humorous Poems and Quotes to Use as a Funny Wedding Reading

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Funny wedding readings can help keep a ceremony from becoming too serious... or too boring. Though your vows should be earnest, marriage is made up of both somber, considered, and hilarious moments. Celebrate the humor in your relationship with one of these funny wedding readings.

From the comic strip Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson

Calvin: What's it like to fall in love?
Hobbes: Well... say the object of your affection walks by...
Calvin: Yeah?
Hobbes: First, your heart falls into your stomach and splashes your innards. All the moisture makes you sweat profusely. This condensation shorts the circuits to your brain and you get all woozy. When your brain burns out altogether, your mouth disengages and you babble like a cretin until she leaves.
Calvin: THAT'S LOVE?!?
Hobbes: Medically speaking.
Calvin: Heck, that happened to me once, but I figured it was cooties!

A Quote from Ogden Nash

To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the loving cup
Whenever you’re wrong, admit it
Whenever you’re right, shut up.

"Yes, I'll marry you" by Pam Ayres

Yes, I'll marry you, my dear,
And here's the reason why;
So I can push you out of bed
When the baby starts to cry,
And if we hear a knocking
And it's creepy and it's late,
I hand you the torch you see,
And you investigate.
Yes, I'll marry you, my dear,
You may not apprehend it,
But when the tumble-drier goes
It's you that has to mend it,
You have to face the neighbour
Should our labrador attack him,
And if a drunkard fondles me
It's you that has to whack him.
Yes, I'll marry you,
You're virile and you're lean,
My house is like a pigsty
You can help to keep it clean.
That sexy little dinner
Which you served by candlelight,
As I do chipolatas,
You can cook it every night!
It's you who has to work the drill
and put up curtain track,
And when I've got PMT it's you who gets the flak,
I do see great advantages,
But none of them for you,
And so before you see the light,
I do, I do, I do!

A Reading from the movie, "The Princess Bride"
Mawwage. Mawwage is what bwings us togeder today.
Mawwage, that bwessed awwangement, that dweam within a dweam.
And wove, twue wove, wiww fowwow you fowevah...
So tweasuwe youw wove...
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