Why Prop 8 Shouldn't Stop You From Getting Married
Friday November 7, 2008
According to this New York Times article, the passing of Prop 8 in California means that some wedding-related businesses will suffer or even close. Because marriage will no longer be legal, these couples will choose not to have ceremonies at all, and thus won't be buying floral arrangements, having catered receptions, or any of the other many wedding-related expenses.
I'm sure that this is incredibly hurtful for those couples who had planned to marry soon, and I'm among the many who hope this ban will be repealed. In fact, I wish that it were easier to get legal marriage-related benefits for many different kinds of relationships. But I also want to say that a wedding is not just about a piece of paper and a marriage is not just a legal relationship. I urge these couples to go ahead and have a ceremony anyway. There are huge rewards to having a wedding - from feeling surrounded by the love of your friends and loved ones, to making a lifelong committment to each other, and even expressing your own creativity. Someday, hopefully, you can also get the important legal benefits, but that doesn't mean you should pass up on the emotional benefits now.
I'm sure that this is incredibly hurtful for those couples who had planned to marry soon, and I'm among the many who hope this ban will be repealed. In fact, I wish that it were easier to get legal marriage-related benefits for many different kinds of relationships. But I also want to say that a wedding is not just about a piece of paper and a marriage is not just a legal relationship. I urge these couples to go ahead and have a ceremony anyway. There are huge rewards to having a wedding - from feeling surrounded by the love of your friends and loved ones, to making a lifelong committment to each other, and even expressing your own creativity. Someday, hopefully, you can also get the important legal benefits, but that doesn't mean you should pass up on the emotional benefits now.
Comments
Nina, I am grateful for your observations on this topic. As an officiant for both same sex and “mixed” weddings, I have seen lives healed by the opportunity that many will now miss. I hope folks still have commitment ceremonies and ask for their families and friends to celebrate their promise to stay together for life, even without a license.
Or…. take a quick trip to the east coast, and get the piece of paper. Massachusetts repealed the law that was being used to prevent out-of-state gay couples from marrying there earlier this year, and CT allows marriages. You can do a JOP ceremony in New England, and have a big commitment ceremony wherever you may be from.
Like many people, I am truly disappointed in the California decision, but it’s important to remember that it’s not the only option. As a New Englander-in-exile, and one who lived there during both the historic state supreme court decision and subsequent failed attempt to amend the state constitution (similar to prop
, I am particularly proud of that region (5 out of 6 New England states have legal unions for same sex couples), and I hate to hear the victories there dismissed.
I very seldom take the time to write in a response to someone’s opinion I have read, but your article, and the Holy Spirit prompted me to do so. I am not sure what Bible the “RevDanny” is reading, because marriage goes all the way back to Genesis Chapter 2 “And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh”. Marriage isn’t for humans to redefine - God created it. And using your position to try and intimidate business owners by saying their bottom lines will suffer if gay marriage isn’t “legalized” is ridiculous. God will take care of those who honor Him with their actions, but my question to you would be “How did businesses survive in the past when gays weren’t trying to get married?” I am sure this blog may incite a lot of passionate responses pointing out all the legislation in the works in support of gay marriage, and the “important” people that support it. I just want to close by saying that our opinions are not the important ones, God’s opinion is all that counts. So instead of writing me back, perhaps you should research the Bible yourself and discuss this topic directly with God.
Servehim “Thank you, Thank you” for taking the time to point this out. As Christians we need to stand up for what is right and stop letting everyone push things on us.
I agree, read the bible and look into the past and our history. Things are done a certain way because that’s the way they were meant. And you wonder why there are so many problems with society today? too many people too far from God.
It IS their choice though to do what they do with their lives. Let them get their “marriages” I say, but at some point they will have to realize that even their “legalized” marriage can not and will not be accepted. It will only be accepted by those with similar opinions and ideas. The religious world will never tolerate it. Read the bible, even from a non believer reading it, you can not ever deny, change, misinterpret what is written.
It is written: one MAN one WOMAN. There are no other acceptable unions. This includes people with family, animals, and same sex.
Hold on a second… All Nina was trying to say is that for same-sex couples who had been planning to marry in CA, they should still go through with their union ceremony and celebration. She isn’t “pushing” gay marriage on anyone - those who don’t agree with it, shouldn’t marry someone of the same sex! And she’s “intimidating businesses”? That is a slightly crazy assessment.. who is she intimidating?
And yes, the Bible does define marriage as between a man and woman, but not everyone is a Christian and follows the Bible; we have to understand that. And as far as gay couples making a mockery of marriage, well, I think we heterosexual Christians have been doing that ourselves for a long time! So you don’t want them to “marry” - what’s next, you don’t want them to reproduce, either? Speaking as someone who was lucky enough to be raised by a happy, loving mother and father (who never divorced), I would argue that it’s beneficial for a child born of a gay person to have two adult parents in their lives, whose partnership is recognized as a committed one.
What are you all so afraid of? I don’t understand this hatred.
Lastly, someone indicated that the “problem” with the world today is that too many people are far from God. I would say that the problems stem from a lack of love and tolerance amongst ALL humankind, regardless of how He created us.
I have a business in the Event Industry, I am a registered Independent, I have a gay nephew and I am a Christian…interesting mix.
I love my nephew and his partner, they are just good quality people. I have catered receptions for same sex marriages and I have no problem doing so. These are day to day encounters with people I care about and clients I wish the best for. But I was recently asked (as we all were)to enter a booth and vote our conscience as to whether we should legalize same sex marriage and give it the same status as a man and women marriage. This is a private matter based on ones social and religious views. I had to vote “Yes” to maintaining marriage being between a man and woman.
Does this make me less loving towards my nephew and his partner? Does it make me less caring for those I serve in business? Some would certainly think so, but I don’t “feel” that way.
Of major concern to me is that twice now, in California, the majority voice has been heard and the minority immediately seeks legal avenues to block what has been passed. This is not how I was taught the American system works. Or SHOULD work.
From an Independents view point, I wonder if the roles were reversed and Prop 8 had not passed…would we have seen the protests, the property damage and rioting? Would we have seen the immediate legal action to overturn the majority vote…again? Gee, I wonder.
Well said, Ron! It’s only choice when the outcome is their way.