6 Rules for Choosing Your Bridesmaids and Groomsmen

Your wedding day is about celebrating you and your partner's love. However, in addition to saying "I do" to your new spouse, you may also be saying the same to some of your closest friends and family members when you invite them to participate in your wedding party. In their roles of bridesmaids and groomsmen, they may assist with other events prior to your nuptials, such as your bridal shower, bachelor or bachelorette party, and your rehearsal dinner. Before you assemble your group for these festivities (and your big day!), though, there are a few things to consider when yo make your bridesmaid and groomsmen selections.

First things first: Be sure to avoid one of the biggest wedding-party mistakes you could ever make when you begin brainstorming your crew. "A common faux pas to avoid when considering who to ask to be in your wedding is to not ask them to be in your wedding simply because you were in their wedding first," says Oniki Hardtman, the founder and creative director of Oh Niki Occasions, an award-winning boutique destination wedding planning and design firm. "There may be any number of years that have happened since, and you should not feel obligated to 'return the favor.'" Instead, think deeply about who you want standing next to you as you embark on the next chapter of your life. Who has always supported you? Who has been a champion of your relationship? Who do you really want to celebrate this moment with?

Ahead, we share six key tips that will help you choose the right people to serve as your bridesmaids and groomsmen. Plus, we also offer alternative roles to consider for anyone who doesn't make the final cut—but still deserves to participate, in some way, during the celebration of your love.

How to Choose Your Wedding Party in 6 Steps

Ready to ask your loved ones to stand by your side on your big day? Here's how to choose your bridesmaids and groomsmen.

Start With Your Siblings

To kick off the wedding party selection, start by including your siblings. If they’re much younger than you, you may prefer to have them serve as ushers or junior attendants, but if they’re close to your age, definitely give them the title of bridesmaid or groomsman. And don't forget that there's nothing stopping a bride from making her brother a bridesman—or a groom from making his sister a groomswoman.

Emphasize Reliability

While you may not need your bridesmaids or groomsmen to participate too much in planning your wedding, there will be moments when you’ll need to know you can count on them. If your friend almost never calls you back or constantly shows up late when you have plans, they may not be the right person for the job—especially with dress order deadlines and tight timelines on the day of your wedding. Instead, lean toward friends who you know will answer your emails and show up when you need them to (or even a few minutes early).

Think About Who Supports Your Partnership

"Who are your best friends right now and mainly, who is supportive of both you and your partner?" Hardtman suggests asking yourself. "After all, this wedding is about the two of you and the love you share. Sadly, I’ve witnessed many an unruly groomsman or a bad-energy bridesmaid on wedding day that were not lending the type of emotional support needed on the day."

Consider Personalities

Before you send out those “Be My Bridesmaid?” gifts, think about how your wedding party will get along. That doesn’t mean everyone has to be the best of friends, but if one person on your list has a stronger—or even abrasive—personality and tends to rub people the wrong way, that’s potential drama you’ll want to avoid if possible.

Be Mindful of Budget

We all know being a bridesmaid or groomsman is expensive. Even if you’re paying for their accommodations or chipping in for the suit or dress, between flights, gifts, and the bachelor and bachelorette parties, the bill can add up. If you know a friend is in a tough spot financially (or a student!), call them up to talk it over before making the official ask. Let them know you’d love to include them, but also have a few alternative ways for them to be involved if joining the wedding party might be too expensive. Close friends make fantastic readers, give great toasts at the rehearsal dinner, and can hand out programs or serve as ushers at the ceremony.

Think About Feelings

Sometimes, having fewer bridesmaids or groomsmen is the easiest way to make sure no one’s feelings are hurt. If your choice is between having just your sister and your childhood best friend stand beside you or expanding into two or three friend groups and 10 or more bridesmaids, the smaller group could save you a lot of stress in deciding who does and doesn’t make the cut. On the other hand, if you’re committed to the idea of a huge wedding party, and there’s one friend on the fringe, you might be better off just including them versus leaving them out.

Other Wedding Roles for Family and Friends

Just because you selected a certain number of people to serve as bridesmaids and groomsmen doesn't mean you're tapped out on roles for other important family members and friends. In fact, there are plenty of other jobs that your VIP guests can take on. Here, Hardtman offers a few other roles to consider asking loved ones to fill:

• Greeters: This is a great role for your friends that are friendly and social, Hardtman says. If it's an unplugged ceremony, they can also remind guests to put their phones away.
• Ushers: In addition to help your guests find their seats, ushers hand out items before your ceremony, such as programs, fans, or parasols.
• Readers: Tap a loved one to read a poem or religious scripture during your ceremony.
• Favors: If you have favors or sparklers that need to be handed out after your reception, Hardtman recommends asking a close friend to do just that.