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Readers Respond: Honoring the Dead at a Wedding

Responses: 60


Weddings are joyous occasions, but they're also a time for family to be together. When a parent has died, it can be hard to know how to honor them without ruining the joyous spirit of the day. About.com readers have shared many creative and loving ways to honor the dead at a wedding. We'd love to know how you plan to remember parents, grandparents or other important relatives who have passed on before your wedding day.

For his Father

My Fiancé’s father passed away a few years ago, we got a custom candle made to light during the ceremony with a nice poem and his name. We also wrote in the program for the ceremony that "the candle in front signifies the we know his dad is with us today" My Fiancé also chose to use his father’s wedding band as his own and we melted down some of his other jewelry and had my band made from it. He will always be with us :)
—Guest Christie

Honoring my Mom

Today is 11 months that my mom passed and it will be 4 months that I got married. My wife honored her by wearing the veil she wore for her wedding. She also recreated her wedding bouquet and carried it down the aisle. My mom wore a cross and I took my cross and soddered it to her cross and wore it on my wedding day for the first time. It gave me the sense of her being always close to my heart.
—Guest Danny


My dad passed suddenly 18 years ago, my Mom passed from cancer 6 months ago, my Fiances step dad passed suddenly 2 months ago. Our ceremony will be an "in the round" seating style. Us in the middle surrounded in a circle by our loved ones, two rows deep. Three chairs will be removed from each row to make an isle for us to walk through. Once we are inside the circle must be sealed to contain the energy. Three chairs will be placed back into the front row, one for each of our parents with a framed photo of them. Our parents will close our circle in spirit. My Groom will then place 3 specific flowers into my bouquet in memory of each of them and then the ceremony will begin.
—Guest Tammy

Dad was a Beatles Fan

My Dad died 20 years ago, but when I get married in a couple of months I will be having one of his favourite songs, In My Life as a reading
—Guest Jacqui

I want to honor my mommy.

I am getting married in july,2012. My mom passed away 3 years ago. I grew up without a dad. And I want to honor my mom but as she was my only parent not sure how to do it were everyone wont be in tears. She was very loveing and was a great person please any ideas would be helpful. Her,favorite flower was red roses. and her favorite singer was elvis. my mom was my best friend and was everything to me. When I lost her it almost killed me. Please help me
—Guest jennifer

In Honor of our daughter

For our wedding we'll be using our daughter's teddy bear urn to place with a candle that we'll light during the ceremony, I'll also have a small locket charm with her photo attached to my bouquet and a small flower girl basket saying "reserved for the memory of Brookelyn Maria" attached to my oldest daughter's basket. We're still deciding on where we would like to ask for a donation to go as our daughter's life was taken from her from a caregiver, we'd like something to go back towards child abuse awareness.
—Guest Jesyka


My Grandma died 16 years ago, and my Grandad died last year. My Grandad told me a week before his death that his only wish was to see me walk down the aisle - I get married in less than 8 months time. I plan to honour them both by hiding a small, laminated copy of one of their Wedding photos, which will have a poem on the back, somewhere in my bouquet. Instead of traditionally throwing my bouquet, I'm planning on presenting it to my Mum after everyone has done their speeches at the Reception. I'll tell her to look inside the bouquet and read the poem on the back of the photo.
—Guest Lisa

My Fiance's Best Friend

My Fiance lost his best friend several years ago to cancer. Rick loved critters of all kinds. He came in to our house once wth lizards hanging from his ear lobes! So each one of us will wear a lizard pin on our clothes. I will have one in my bouquet and we will write a sweet memorial in our program. There will be an empty place beside Mark because Rick would have been his best man. We will put a picture of Rick there and a lizard's tail will hold our rings until the right time.
—Guest Kellie

For my dad

I lost my dad 11 years ago and have always worried about my wedding day. My wedding is now in 5 months on the date of what would be my dad's 50th birthday! My brother is walking me down the aisle wearing my dad's ring, my fiancé will be wearing my dad's gold chain. My uncles will do a toast to my dad and I will be displaying a picture of my dad alongside mine and my fiance's!
—Guest Stacey

stressed and alone

I'm getting g married in September of 2011. My mom and dad are not going to be there. My mom died in October, 2009 and my dad died October, 2007. I feel so alone. I plan on wearing my mom's watch and placing a rose on the chairs where they have been sitting in their honor. I miss them soooo much!!! Some people might think it's a little weird,but it's my way of saying I miss them and they will NEVER be forgotten.

honor deceased loved at a wedding

I plan to have candles at every seat at the reception, with matches and a note "We invite you to light a candle in memory of those who are with us today in spirit.
—Guest Bee


My brother Jamie was killed in 1997. I will have his class ring in my flowers with me on my day.
—Guest kayla spallinger

my mum

My mum died 3 weeks ago, I get married in 15 months. I am recreating her wedding bouquet and my dad is giving me her ring. So sad to think she won't be there to see me.
—Guest joanne

Remembering Mom

My mother passed away 6.5 years ago. I am getting married in August. We are honoring her by using flowers in the bouquets and corsages and so on that are called Sonia roses, as that was her first name. I am having my aunt, her younger sister, light my family candle and her seat will be left open. His Mom and my aunt will lay Sonia roses on that seat after lighting the candle.

poem to honor dead

my fiance’s father passed away vey suddenly when i was 3 months pregnant nearly 6 years ago, i am a very centamentle person and i wanted to do a candle ceremony in our wedding with his two sisters to lite it but he thought it was a little too sad for him and his family so i found a nother poem for the celebrant to read at the beginning of our ceremony. we are having the ceremony where my great grandfather had a house and we now have a family tree planted there wityh all who have passed on scattered under it, it feels like you are in a garden and you would not know there was a house there ever so i am also framing a picture of the house on a easle and getting all invited to sighn around it for us to keep, so you will see the poem i chose goes really well for all because it goes for both sides now instead of just the one person loved ones “Although we are separated physically, faith and love have bound us eternally. Though we cannot see them, we know they are here. Though we cannot
—Guest simone

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